AMAGAD!

Change is inevitable - except from a vending machine.

I think I think too much. Probably too much, I think.

You know what will happen in less than 10 hours?

Less than 10 hours, i will be in TEKONG BABY! (It has to be said with enthusiastic accent I’ve been spurting consistently, especially with the weird english girls just now)

So before that it’s a bit suffering - finishing paperwork, making sure other things are settled while I’m gone.

But soon… soonnnnn I will be in Tekong (one of my favourite places in the world!) with many of my favourite friends in the world!
Just the lot of us for one day.
In a villa.
With a private swimming pool.

GAD I’ve been planning this trip for so long!

I AM STARTING TO LOSE MY ENGLISH LANGUAGE FACULTIES.

This is a distressing result of a) trying to converse in Chinese, b) being inundated by Chinese on all sides, c) making constant fun of the interchangeability of Chinese verbs, nouns and other grammatical oddities, d) lacking opportunity to write and read in English, and e) being CONSTANTLY SURROUNDED BY DUMB FUCKS.

Today I accidentally said “I can’t” the wrong way(you know, without pronouncing the T); This is unforgivable, possibly more so than all the other grammatical errors I have been making in my everyday speech. My the Chinese is make my the English really the terrible. I go back university to study, that time, definitely will die already.

And god help me if I start saying toh-may-to.

I was going to whine about not being layaned over the past few weeks, but the layaning only dawned upon me when a friend took aside time to spend time talking to me - about me.

The conversation was rather intellectual and sprinkled with personal opinions; just the way I like it. We spoke of army, but more specifically, change - about me being more open to changes. I want to use the army as an excuse to start a new chapter in my life with a clean slate: things like leaving my church, building character, and sticking to my guns(pun intended).

However, my friend was more concerned with losing me, or at least parts of me, as a friend. I don’t have much of a support system, but finding out that there are people who care really warms the cockles of my heart.

Some times I catch myself drifting away from the people around me. Not in the literal sense, but rather letting my mind fade into the background to take a mental snapshot for later. For the days when I will miss all this.. and there will be those days to dread and to look forward to.

Today I pretended I was going away tomorrow and it felt strange. I’m not sure where this path leads - it’s vagueness is as much a seduction as it is a fear. It’s never easy to leave a place you’re deeply rooted in. Suddenly there are so many reasons why.. why not? There is still so much to do but yet the hourglass has been turned over by a hand that isn’t own. It is at once exuberant and dispiriting.

We all do what we need to do.

My fucking window just fell off.

I don’t know what’s up, but everyone around me is sleeping, and I just can’t. Random thoughts have been running through my head, and really can’t find the will to concentrate on doing anything. The only thing left to do is spill my mind into this empty theatre of a blog.

Over the past week or so, this particular dream has been bugging me over and over:

A dark room with nothing I’d flag as abnormal, except for that guy in the room I see you hanging out with sometimes. But we’re together. I feel your hand reaching for mine and I embrace your touch, but as you batted your eyes open, you start going hysterical just like that time in the club, screaming something about wanting that other guy in the room, not me.

Mindfucking, I swear. What’s irritating is that reality is definitely leaning towards(wishful thinking, again) the latter portion of the dream. Freudian thinking suggests that I do know the event, or at least a less dramatic version of it happening is very plausible, yet I’m not ready to accept it’s possibility.

It’s not possible to love someone completely; you love some, you hate some, and something has gotta give. Except with one, or some, it is possible you love so much that you love what you hate. And with others, what you hate, you hate so much, all the goodwill’s not enough to make up for it.

I guess that’s just how it is.

4 days till Celest comes back
3 days till iPhone
2 days till work resumes at iShop
1 day till attachment ends

Only 1 non-me thing. I’m improving.

I’m gonna miss work, especially the blazing fast internet. I might actually come back and work. Nice place.

For this week, I’m making it a point to come to work at least one hour late(Monday was two hours), eat and drink the pantry dry, and leave early; All while not doing most of the work I’m supposed to be doing.

So far so good. But for some reason, I’ve seem to have lost the ability to sleep at my desk, so I’ve dug across the interwebs and found some interesting stuffs:

Hackers attack Scientology

Hackers call for action against Scientology

South Park - Trapped In The Closet
Real Media

The most beautiful thing I saw this rainy season was beads of water splashing up underneath a girl’s sneakers. They sprung up with each footstep she took, such uncommon beauty, if I haven’t looked down, I would have missed it. I walked behind her all the way till our paths split.

It reminded me of what I consider still to be the most beautiful sight underwater. Not the manta rays, or the Nemo fish, or the corals, but the bubbles I blew upwards - a chandelier of bubbles floating away to the surface, meeting the sunlight with a sudden pop and death.

No pictures to share, but I’ve got it all up there. *points to head*

A lot has been happening and things are finally moving into place. I should be ecstatic that this jigsaw is finally closer to completion but instead I’m dreading putting down the final pieces of the puzzle. There are just so many things to do, people to see, conversations to have, places to go, money to save, loose ends to tie up.. I think I’m getting pretty good at procrastinating when it comes to myself. I ask myself too many questions I can’t find answers for.